I really hate having my eyes tested, it’s much worse than anything that happens at the dentist. It was probably the really scary Irish school nurse we had at primary school when I was 6 that put me off. She only came to see us for our yearly lice and eye inspection and if we were really lucky, for an injection of some variety administered through a blunt needle. These days I don’t have to worry so much about lice, but my glasses were starting to break, the screws kept coming loose, so I took a deep breath and booked an appointment at the opticians. It went something like this.
Optician: “We haven’t seen you for four years; you should really come every two”.
Me: “Oh yeah, well, you see, um, well really I’m just here as my glasses are broken and I need some new ones, my eyes haven’t changed though, these glasses still work”.
Optician: “Well we will do a test, they have probably changed in four years.”
Me:”OK.”
Optician: “Do you have any hobbies?”
Me: (thinking what, why does he want to know that): “Err no, not really.”
Optician does all his tests, looks at my eyes with various implements, gets me to read stuff, look in one corner, then the other corner, shoots some air into my eyes etc…
Optician: “Hmmm, you work with computers then? How many hours a day do you look at a screen for?”
Me: “Errrr, 15 or so I guess.”
“Optician: “Per DAY?! You are lucky to be able to see at all! Have you any long term medical conditions?”
Me: “Well I have the odd bout of hypochondria, other than that, no.”
Optician: “Well it looks like you have slightly high cholesterol, it may cause a problem in 30 years or so.”
Me: “Oh don’t worry, I probably wont last that long anyway, we’re all gonna get bird flu next year anyway.”
Optician: “Well you also might have high blood pressure, do you suffer from stress?”
Me: “Yes, but normally only when my eyes are being prodded and poked by someone.”
Optician: “Well with your job, you should probably exercise more, when was the last exercise you had?”
Me: “I did a five mile run/two mile swim this morning.”
Optician: “You said, you didn’t have any hobbies, I filled your form in wrong now.”
It’s no wonder I don’t like going to the opticians, I only went with a screw loose in my glasses and I come home with stress, high blood pressure, cholesterol and possible bird flu next year. Oh I did get some new glasses in the end too and I was right, my eyes hadn’t changed. I’m never sure what to make of all the health craze stuff that is everywhere at the moment. I mean I know I eat crap, but I do a fair amount of exercise and I’m probably the least stressed person I’ve ever met. Nobody lasts for ever and there are probably loads of things that are bad for us (like Blogging) that we just haven’t worked out are bad for us, yet.
Out of all the kinds of doctors I have to go to, the eye doctor is the best! Although mine doesn’t ask me weird questions like if I have hobbies. I wonder if that’s just to make idle chitchat or if they are trying to profile you so they can take over your identity. Did your eye doc look in your eyes and guess that you had high cholesterol, or is that something that you have to tell them when you go in? Because that’s really freaky if they could just tell. It’s like those dogs that can smell cancer on people. I’m never leaving my house again.
Comment by eye doctors are the best! — November 21, 2005 @ 3:30 amWell, he made it look like he could tell all that by just looking in my eyes, but I think he just thought, “he works with computers, he doesn’t have a hobby, he must have all these problems”. I also went in with a cup of tea from McDonald’s, so maybe he assumed I’d already eaten a sausage and egg McMuffin.
Comment by Darren — November 21, 2005 @ 9:00 amWhat I think is, he was trying to find a common thread between the two of you. Maybe he saw potential for a long standing Britney co dependence relationship.
Maybe?
Comment by beav — November 21, 2005 @ 4:14 pm